A paradoxical oxymoron?

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Tim Hughes - Consuming Fire

Verse 1:
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have ur way
Lord have ur way
with us

Verse 2:
Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall

I feel like i've lost a lot of passion to do things. Motivation and engine and fire has all just died. I've been starting to feel like that since march. which is really bad. I've just no more motivation to make my days useful. I feel like all i want to do is rott my days away in my room. Hibernate, watch movies/shows/etc. and just shut out from the outside world where the existence of friends are.

Friday, February 12, 2010

side note, I've got this unknown disturbing feeling. I'm wondering whether it's cause I'm slowly leaning on an indifferent feeling wall, or that I've been consuming too many things that I really shouldn't. Thoughts and wants that i shouldn't sidetrack towards. I don't know. Infact I'm not sure even if those things i just stated are really happening. It's just that feeling.
But one thing's for sure is that I'm definite of why God had planned that one year fallback. That one more extra year for me to be brokened and molded again. The year where prayers and heart desires were answered with tonnes of growth. Denied and unadmittable struggles deep inside the heart were overcomed.

Coming here, was barely even on my mind at initial stages. Infact, I was hard headed on not even bothering to go overseas to study. Heck, but God did show to me that He wanted me to go. To move, to grow, to go to a higher level. Well, obviously there was the Godly side, and why not, I mean there's this opportunity that many couldn't get in my Uni for business school. The thing was that the transfer thing was supposed to be stopped for my school last year but didn't. And only 5 people would be chosen. Parents told me to try applying first. And there it goes.

3 reasons that made me go.
1. Parents would've love for me to go although they'd very much love me to stay aswell. *parents... sheesh. hahaha*
2. I wanted the exposure, the experience. something new. It was an opportunity, why waste it?
3. God say go, go lorr :P haha

Lastly, before I pen off, I'll say that many things have changed despite the short time. Things back home, things here. With me, my brother, my dad and mom. With some people back home. Everyone's being molded still. =) And I really am happy with the things I'm hearing. My heart's quiet and longing desire is slowly turning out real. See prayers do come true all in God's timing <3

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Your grace is enough
More than I need
And your word I will believe
I wait for you
Draw near again
And your spirit make me new
And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By your spirit i am free
And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever out God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

Taken at one of the church in Römer Frankfurt, Germany.

Monday, February 08, 2010

It's been nearly 4 months half since i've been to my blog. Since i first stepped into UK for my new journey in life. Transitions, i'd say i'm taking things well and really fast in adaption. but i still feel as if coming here is a vacation, not an education purpose feeling. Weird. Many things have happened and are going to happen. But at this very moment right now, very few is happening. Just cause it's time to settle down and start out with the new semester again. It was just 2 weeks ago when everything and too many things were going on. especially with the after examination parties.

Letsee, Germany holiday from the 14th to 21st december was great! Went to Berlin, Frankfurt, Bavaria, Munich.
OH, and Salzburg, Austria was so BEAUTIFUL too! The city of Sound of Music and Mozart's home. I even managed to withstand the blistering COLD of average of -10 degrees C! crazy.

So was christmas but 'twas a quiet new years. all were good kids stayed in to study. I can't believe we all were stuck in our rooms, studying and countdown-ing from our rooms together through skype conference call. Bunch of sadcases? I'd blame it on exams. Well, and some part due to illness :S

on our way up to Neuschwanstein Castle in Fussen, Bavaria. The inspiration behind the Sleeping Beauty castle =)

Obviously not taken by me, but that's how it looks during winter from higher up the hills.

Random picture of a pork knuckle and sauerkraut. Quite good. and many other food. Yums.

Finally got to visit one of the nazi concentration camp. And visited the holocaust museums and oh BMW museum!

Exams, well, I was expecting to get lower than what I actually did get. But yet, it's not up to expectations either. Contradict? yes, hence why miss peilingness here is indeed a paradoxical oxymoron. I contradict myself yet I'm not actually contradicting. See, i myself don't understand so i don't expect any of you to. Yes, I expect that =.= facial expression. ;)
Oh okay, it is just a couple of marks away but aish. Let's hope they're nice and decide to give me that slight boost :P to that nice rounded number XD

Classes started, literally 1 day after my last paper. Horrible having saturday papers :S especially at 4.30 in the evening. This sem, I've 5 assignments/courseworks and 6 papers. Bugger!

Sides up, easter break - SPAIN! palma de mallorca island we shall invade! WOOOOT 4 star hotel resort, breakfast included room with an awesome sea view. Might stop somewhere whilst in Spain. still tentative the plans.

Summer break? HAHA. that you all shall just continue to wonder. :) i myself, ah you know. last minute person. :P

Church here has been good too =) small group, fellowship and all that small things. The people as well.

Line of the moment - " Never allow the obvious to blind you"

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Nottingham has been great so far. So was London and Birmingham and a few other places =)

just a quick update to everyone saying that I've finally moved into my permanent accommodation bout for a week already and have been reallly busy with registrations and been going out quite a bit also :P

and class officially starts this monday, i.e. tomorrow =)

Just watch out for this site soon i'll be back with more =)

just to show you a quick peek of how big my uni can be.

If you thought that this was part of the town or city. you're only half right. It's actually part of my uni. hahahahaha it's like the whole main campus itself is like a city in another city itself but isn't ;)

walking from one end to another would be killing. so, busses it is that we take to get from one building to another. =)

Mixture of modern and old style traditional buildings

if you can see, that's the really huge lake at the main campus. it's like HUGE lah. haha probably the size of mid valley. not including gardens i think :P

as city looking at it is, it's really more country style like and this two pics below are one eighth of my business school campus =) the other huge lake with the ducks

(p/s : Yes, I had a duck fascination over there :P)

and we've 3 main campus in total which are bout between 15-45 mins, by BUS mind you, depending on which ones. not including the medical school/hospital and some others =)

till I next see you all
God bless

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Scored another 1 point for herself in two encounters. Boy am I getting good in this. haha :P

anyways, I know there has been once again another hiatus of me from the blogging scene which i'm sure most of you are extremely aware of.

Life's been going on rather well I must say.

UPDATE: (finally making a public announcement)
Your's truly is confirmed leaving for the UK for two years if you hadn't already heard the news. haha in 13 days. I'm so gonna miss A LOT of things and persons.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

How can you have blind faith in something for which there is not a scrap of evidence.

The answer is, you can't!

If you could prove it, it wouldn't be faith

You can only have faith in what you don't know.

And that, my friends, is what faith is

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Okay. so the weeks been terrifying.

For the past two weeks, I've been frantically logging in to my Uni mail over and over again to check on updates bout results. Couldn't wait at all, so much so that few friends and I were just so frustrated with the wait and all that we practically wished the results were out then.


Results have officially been released. The moment I received the email telling us about the time and date its released I started to panic. I've yet to go collect it from the personal tutor and I don't want to find out by phone either. So, I'd rather wait, get all anxious and fidgety and "crazy"( with all the self talking in the mind) and get the paper into my hands with my eyes staring into my marks.

Honestly, I'm really worried this time round. I've never beeeeen this worried bout my exams and the results I'm expecting. I've that strong feeling of getting a very low or near to fail marks for two of my papers. But yet, I pray that the rest of them are 2nd upper or 1st class and coupled with my good Sem 1 results. I'll progressss! Year 2, watch out for me!
But whatever it is, I've surrendered it to God and I'll praise and be thankful to God no matter what.

Added on with all these crazy self talk, and the absence of one for 3 weeks. I've convinced myself to pull out of the situation I'm stuck in. Due to something said to me by someone and the particular world of limitations I have limited myself to on certain issues due to something. Nah, it's not any good to both so why go on..

Another thing I'm really worried about is that I think my sayang's time is coming soon. Every time I look at her, she just seems to appear more and more restless and she rarely smiles anymore. She has her moods as to when she's happy and not. I hope my brother's coming back for hols tmr will cheer her up big time. She used to be so happy and cheerful and full of energy alll the time irregardless of the fact that she just saw us not too long ago. 13 years has gone by, and she's lived nearly double the average life span of a dog. She's finally acting up and showing signs of old age and lifeless-ness.

Besides all that, the brother is arriving KL in 15 hours time! wheeeee =) and i'll end my result frustration in a day's time. The results will half determine my decision about UK.

I've been doing so much things that I don't feel like I'm on holidays yet I'm also enjoying so much that I am just enjoying life and not thinking of things.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

when the day was filled with good happenings.
when receiving good or pleasing news/mails.
when silence was a good sign.
when consideration was put to use.
when the timing was perfect.
when something new was learnt.
when being challenged with something so full of drive.
when having the right companion(s)

what more can I say but that the day was perfect and thank God for those two days. and not forgetting today =)

on a side note. It's rather interesting and that I suddenly realised that for 1 whole week, the topic of dating and courtship was raised four times incidentally with different people.


have YOU ever thought of where your life is heading to?
What and why are you living for. Really.
Is YOUR life currently or going to make or contribute to a difference?
Will there be an inspiring part or story of your life journey that you'll proudly tell to your coming generations over and over again without getting bored

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Gah. MSN is so annoying.

imagine with all the stupid virus thingi going around sending all those idiotic links stuffs..

and nearly 2 months of not signing in....

TADAAAA - you get bombarded with the same msgs over and over again by gazillion and one times and from diff ppl.

Current agenda : Sabah

Next agenda : Internship!