A paradoxical oxymoron?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Okay. so the weeks been terrifying.

For the past two weeks, I've been frantically logging in to my Uni mail over and over again to check on updates bout results. Couldn't wait at all, so much so that few friends and I were just so frustrated with the wait and all that we practically wished the results were out then.


Results have officially been released. The moment I received the email telling us about the time and date its released I started to panic. I've yet to go collect it from the personal tutor and I don't want to find out by phone either. So, I'd rather wait, get all anxious and fidgety and "crazy"( with all the self talking in the mind) and get the paper into my hands with my eyes staring into my marks.

Honestly, I'm really worried this time round. I've never beeeeen this worried bout my exams and the results I'm expecting. I've that strong feeling of getting a very low or near to fail marks for two of my papers. But yet, I pray that the rest of them are 2nd upper or 1st class and coupled with my good Sem 1 results. I'll progressss! Year 2, watch out for me!
But whatever it is, I've surrendered it to God and I'll praise and be thankful to God no matter what.

Added on with all these crazy self talk, and the absence of one for 3 weeks. I've convinced myself to pull out of the situation I'm stuck in. Due to something said to me by someone and the particular world of limitations I have limited myself to on certain issues due to something. Nah, it's not any good to both so why go on..

Another thing I'm really worried about is that I think my sayang's time is coming soon. Every time I look at her, she just seems to appear more and more restless and she rarely smiles anymore. She has her moods as to when she's happy and not. I hope my brother's coming back for hols tmr will cheer her up big time. She used to be so happy and cheerful and full of energy alll the time irregardless of the fact that she just saw us not too long ago. 13 years has gone by, and she's lived nearly double the average life span of a dog. She's finally acting up and showing signs of old age and lifeless-ness.

Besides all that, the brother is arriving KL in 15 hours time! wheeeee =) and i'll end my result frustration in a day's time. The results will half determine my decision about UK.

I've been doing so much things that I don't feel like I'm on holidays yet I'm also enjoying so much that I am just enjoying life and not thinking of things.


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