Lately I’ve been having really random weird thoughts.


Would all the cares and kindness I’ve given matter? Would everything I do now, matter in the end or would it just be another one of those ‘spur of a moment, yeah man, that’s just what I need for ME at the moment’. And let my loving nature be taken advantage of.

Is it acknowledged or appreciated at all?

I've always wondered if ever something happened to me and I ended up in a hospital.. Who would visit me. Who would stay and comfort/cheer/accompany me while I lie there. I wonder if ever I just died the next day, would anyone but my parents and close relatives even shed a tear at my funeral. Would they even bother attending?

Or would I rather know for now that I should just expect to wait on my “death bed” and just look forward to meeting God whom at least I know has ultimately loved me. Instead of wondering, when’s he/she coming? Or rather, is anyone even coming?

Would anyone actually go.. “Hey.. I miss having her around.”

Maybe that’s why sometimes I'd rather sit by myself and enjoy the solitude of a good book and the company of a bowl of food then carry on with mindless meaningless chatter. Or perhaps just sit somewhere and enjoy the beauty and nature of God’s creation whilst having conversations with God.

But then again.. I am a creature of many contradictions.

Hence, my blogs’ heading. A paradoxical oxymoron. Well, there’s a big HAHA.